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[from the back cover] |
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About the Authors |
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Meg F. Schneider is the Editorial Director of Skylight Press, a book-packaging company specializing in popular psychology, and is the author of several books. Joan Zuckerberg, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst, is a supervisor at the Brooklyn Institute for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis, Yeshiva University, and the National Institute for psychotherapy. Both authors live in New York City. [from the back cover] |
Table of Contents |
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[from the soft bound edition] |
Reviews |
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"A sensible and substantive guide that will help parents and children navigate the straits of divorce."
--Dr. Bonnie Maslin, author of |
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[from the back cover] |
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Read more reviews of this book on the
Amazon.com website: Difficult Questions Kids Ask [and are too afraid to ask] About Divorce |
Excerpts |
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Children are deeply intuitive about parents' feelings. They can sense when something is making a parent distressed or uncomfortable. Unfortunately, especially for younger children, "distressed" and "uncomfortable" are not easily understood words or feelings. So they may conclude that the parent is simply angry with them. That their questions are annoying. And that if they continue to ask them, the parent will become irritated and leave forever. If a child is not afraid of angering the parent, he may be afraid of hurting him, or of what will happen if the child doesn't take care of him. "Are you sad?" might get swallowed up and replaced with "Want to read a book?" The child may have seen the parent visibly upset, perhaps even crying. This can be terrifying to a child. If the parent is this upset, then who is in control? Who can make things okay? Is the child supposed to be the adult now? Terrified at the thought that the parent may not be able to stay in charge, the child would rather swallow his questions than find himself the head of the household. Difficult Questions Kids Ask You can't fake listening. You know when a friend is giving you her full attention and when her mind is elsewhere. You know it intuitively from the look in her eye, her body language and the words she chooses to acknowledge what you are saying. Children pick up these things as well. The most important thing that you need to project to your child when she is talking is acceptance. This is different from approval or agreement. Those things are important and, if honestly felt, make a child feel good. But acceptance of how she feels and what she thinks is most critical, because it allows her to be who she is, independent of what you are or think. She knows she doesn't have to say or do what you want, for her to be appreciated. Following are some things you can do to show your child that you accept her for who she is and what she feels.
Difficult Questions Kids Ask You and your wife have been arguing intensely in the house. Each time the two of you go at it, your thirteen-year-old runs into his room and slams the door. Wait for a quiet time with your adolescent or teen. Don't try to grab him directly after a fight, when he might be feeling extremely raw. Don't squeeze it in between his activities so that he has a perfect excuse to cry "Gotta go! I'm late!" And don't do it just when you're in the mood to face his defenses. Rather, wait to catch your child in a moment of calm. He might be in his room, reading, or sharing a light dinner with just you or your wife as well. "Look," you might begin. "I know Mom and I have been fighting a lot. I'm sorry you have to hear it. It must be very upsetting." If your adolescent says, "I don't care," with a major-league shrug, respect his defense but make it clear you aren't fooled. "I have a feeling that's not entirely true," you might say. "It's not pleasant hearing your parents talk to each other the way we do. If you don't want to talk about this right now it's okay, but I'd be happy to another time. Mom and I are definitely having our problems and the there isn't any reason for us to pretend we're not. This happens sometimes in a marriage." You will also want to offer a quick statement about what you're doing to correct things. "Mom and I are working on it and we hope to get through this rough period soon. We don't like the situation either." By talking frankly and openly to your child you may not inspire him to ask a lot of questions and express his fears, but you will begin to take the "unspeakable" edge off the situation. Your willingness to talk and acceptance of the problem as a part of your life will help him begin to accept it as part of his. A part he doesn't have to shrink from. And a part he can be sad but hopeful about. Difficult Questions Kids Ask [from the soft bound edition] |
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Read more about this book on the Amazon.com website: Difficult Questions Kids Ask [and are too afraid to ask] About Divorce |
Purchasing |
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Schneider and Zuckerberg's
book Difficult Questions Kids Ask [and are too afraid to ask] About Divorce may be purchased through Amazon.com. |
Other Books by |
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Learn more about these books also written by Meg F. Schneider: Social Savvy:
A Teenager's Guide to Feeling Confident in Any Situation 25 Of the Best Parenting Techniques Ever Help! My Teacher Hates Me The Rules for Teens |
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